What Grief is — Spotify from the CEC Library

The spiritual and behavioral aspects are two factors that can support us in growing. No one is eternal, and what remains of us, besides those round portraits, is memory—may it be a good, happy, encouraging, and strong memory. We should be models. Our behavior is important: people observe us and say, "Wow, what you do is coherent."

I received a letter two days ago praising the work that has been done. The person went to St. Damian, spoke with me, asked about the purpose of everything, and later sent me a very beautiful letter. This is not about a cult of masters or gurus; I am none of those things. What I have done is work, and that is what I tell people: let us work, because positive and happy work takes us to the best places.

I do not see how anyone could evolve alone. If you are alone, if you are like the Little Prince, you certainly will not add much, because you will have no exchanges and no other person—and the other person is fundamental; we need to learn to deal with people. Our relationships lead us to understand that, with 7 billion people on this planet, we can understand the world better and make it better as well. Living merely for the sake of living, without adding anything, is empty, and it is not worthwhile to reach the last day of life, look back, and realize that you did nothing. Did I make money, or what did I do? Was I comfortable? You did not leave your own sphere, and I think we should go far beyond our limits, because it is possible to reach any place through effort, heart, and words; this is fundamental.

Those who engage in this kind of work make an effort—and you may think: do they really make such an effort? Yes. They do not work for others; they work for themselves. I would like everyone in the world to be better. That is the meaning of my life. The idea is that we become better human beings, that we stop doing wrong things, because we always find excuses.

We harm our fellow human beings and accumulate an immense bag of excuses, so many that they cannot even be counted. We need to leave this situation. The planet is not merely a ball of earth; we are the planet. You already know this, but making it better depends on us, on me, on you, and on everyone. We have to make this effort; we are the ones who will make a difference and who must take care of this great vessel.

We need to reduce all the harm we cause the planet: deforestation, immense fires, encroaching on areas we should not occupy, and destroying vegetation, animals, and oceans. We are exhausting the planet's fuel, believing it to be eternal. If we took all the money people spend on weapons to destroy one another and used it coherently to improve this world, we would certainly be in a far happier situation. It may sound as though I am making a speech, but I feel this in my heart; otherwise, I would not be able to speak. We can speak sincerely only about what we truly have within us.

This is my life. Those who know me, those who are close to me and are not angry with me—because some people become angry. A week ago, someone came up to me and said, "I am angry with you." I replied, "You have the right to be angry with me, madam." She answered, "Yes, now I am even angrier." I said, "Look, madam, I am sorry, there is nothing I can do, right?" There is nothing I can do. She said, "Do not apologize, because you are making me even more irritated."

I said, "But, madam, will you forgive me? Whatever I do, if I move, you become angry. If I apologize, you become angry." She replied, "That is exactly right." I continued, "Then I will tell you something, madam: I know you will become even more irritated than you are now, but you are angry. You should smile more, seek happiness, expand positively, and be an element of positive contagion, love, and peace." She looked at me and said, "Is that all you have to tell me?" I replied, "I do not think I can say anything else, madam. I am sorry."

If you are love, you transform anything into wonderful things. If you have anger, you are anger. Fill your heart with love, happiness, light, energy, motivation, and all positive forces. This universe is so immense and has so much energy that you can capture the energy of the entire cosmos. Think about what good you can do for yourself and for everyone around you, and measure the reach of your strength.

Some people have done wonderful things. A great example for me is Gandhi: he liberated India wearing a loincloth. If he had worn a suit jacket, perhaps he would not have done so much, because the issue was what he was, not what he had. Think about this: regardless of your situation or difficulty, devote all your energy to the goals you define. Set aside half an hour, establish various goals, and truly transform your life. Do not reach the end of life saying that you could have made a greater effort. Nor should you invent excuses such as "I could be more relaxed" or "I would be more irresponsible and live better." You do not live better because of that; your inner organization does not allow it.

Organize yourself, establish a goal, and sort out your life, because no one will be able to sort it out for you. We can help; therapy, for example, can assist you in reaching a level of organization, but your will is predominant. Will is fundamental and makes all the difference in our lives. You decide and put your will in command, and you will see that your life changes.

Jorge Vercillo went to St. Damian and, upon arriving, said, "Wow, this is paradise." I replied that it is not paradise yet, because paradise is people. The place is beautiful, but paradise is people, and they are working to transform the space into the best possible environment for sharing and relationships. He made an observation: everything was recorded. He said that they spend the entire lunch laughing, talking, joking, and relaxing—which, to me, is the meaning of our life. We should do things happily, without pressure, without that control that takes us nowhere.

"Moisés Esagüi, what is grief? Could you answer me? I listened to one of your CDs about healthy grief and pathological grief, but many questions arose. Although you were able to explain it, I still had some doubts. I would like you to explain it, please, so that it is as clear as possible to me. Best wishes." I do not think healthy grief exists, but there is grief that is less pathological. What is grief? Grief is the loss of a reference point. You have a family: your father, your mother, your brother, and an uncle you are very fond of. The reference point is worth more when your relationship with it is freer of emotional charges. Write this down. This is my opinion; you do not need to be angry with me if I am somehow contradicting what you have learned.

The quality of your relationship with the reference point is important. If you lose this reference point, you will have difficulty, because there is a very high investment, both emotional and energetic. Suppose this uncle is very nice. When he comes near you, you can tell him anything, talk, and laugh a great deal. Observe the space he occupies. When he talks about himself, he speaks sincerely. You feel that you can be closer to yourself when you are beside this uncle.

The result: he already has a value different from that of your relationship with other people. Do you agree? This different value is one that cannot be measured in numbers or money; one cannot say that he is worth this or that. The great truth is that, ultimately, on the day this uncle happens to leave your life—whether because he has traveled to another distant place or because he has died—you will miss everything he represents in your life, and that absence will hurt. Because one thing is to say, "No, but I am strong," or to believe in Spiritism, to believe in this or that. What I am saying is not only about spirituality; it has much more to do with the reference point.

It is very difficult to deal with some situations, because that reference point was an emotional pillar that supported and organized our ego. It is not so simple to find an answer. In fact, when people say, "I am a Spiritist; dying is not a problem," I say the following: when you die, believing in spirituality is no use, nor is being spirituality itself; that is only one part. Imagine that you invest a great deal in your relationship with people and with yourself and lose the physical body. When you lose the body, you enter a state of grief in the spiritual world. You have suffered a loss, and you may say, "Oh, the body is like that; it has a limited time." No, it does not have a limited time. Your body was the means of expressing everything you were, and you were deeply invested in it, so it was a very strong reference point.

It is the same with someone you care about deeply, with whom you have a very close relationship and always talk, and suddenly that person leaves your life. You have just lost the reference point. It is not the person or the body. It has nothing to do with beautiful eyes, hair, or anything similar. It is none of that—not the physical body itself or the person's bearing, but what they represent to you in emotional terms. Ultimately, they represent a reference point. I always say that our greatest reference point should be ourselves. To achieve this, we need to be the best company we have. It is not enough to say it; one must study a great deal. You can do whatever you want, but it is necessary to grow enough that, when you look in the mirror, you see someone so important that they do not need the ego.