Grieving the death of a loved one — Spotify from the CEC Library

A listener reports: "The first question is about death. My daughter had a heart problem eight months ago and died. I still have not been able to resolve this within myself. I went to a Spiritist center so that she could send me a message. I was desperate. I did not feel confident in the psychographic message; the wording had nothing to do with what I know of my daughter. The handwriting was not the same, and the signature was even worse. My husband and I left feeling frustrated. I went to another Spiritist center and received another message that did not convince me. It said that she was among spirits of light and was very happy. When I began listening to your program, I really did not believe the message. What you said about death seemed very coherent to me: we continue to be what we were in physical life. I would like to know whether you, with your spiritual abilities, could put me in contact with my daughter."

Although I practice spirituality and consider it important on the evolutionary path to have a multidimensional consciousness—that is, to practice both the physical and spiritual aspects appropriately, with common sense and questioning—I do not think we can or should do certain things. This is my point of view, and I will sincerely review it whenever someone questions me, because otherwise we do not grow or evolve. When you say that you want to speak with your daughter, I believe it may be necessary to learn more about spirituality. It is important to know the spiritual world better in order to follow a path on which not only we grow, but those who have already gone do as well.

My parents have died, and I had a son who died. It is important that we let them follow the path that belongs to them. If you keep evoking someone, you will become somewhat sad. While you still have a physical body, a request someone makes of you through an evocation does not affect you as much, although it may cause turmoil, perhaps some tension or a headache. But it is not a good idea to do this with consciousnesses that no longer have a physical body: when you do, you will come into contact with very subtle energy, and the consciousness using a spiritual vehicle will suffer.

I think this is your neediness, your need to speak with her. Perhaps this needs to be resolved in some way so that it does not become pathological grief but remains healthy grief. Healthy grief is like this: you will spend six months, perhaps as long as a year, suffering, but you need to experience all the suffering you have a right to experience so that you can get through it as quickly as possible and move beyond it. Your daughter needs to continue, and you cannot continue being spiritual harassment to her because your neediness will become a need for her consciential energies, and you will truly be disturbing someone you love.

I do not do this kind of thing. My work is to learn more, question, grow and pass this knowledge on to people, so that we can follow our path coherently, with common sense, and move beyond the repetitions we are used to. Our repetitions begin with reincarnations. We think we need to reincarnate in order to evolve. No: we need to evolve in order to stop reincarnating. That is the issue. We need to evolve and leave this sameness behind. It is as though we wanted to return again and again, die and be born, and the result of all this were that we continued being the same because we made no effort to be different.

Let your daughter continue. Avoid continuing to seek her out and wanting her to speak to you, wondering whether she is doing badly or well. What difference does it make to receive information that she is with a spirit of light or not? She has her path. You will have to follow your path when this physical body is no longer at your disposal. We come to a dense environment, the physical environment, where the physical body allows us to relate to everyone around us, whether more or less evolved. This physical world is a point where you can move among all levels of consciousness. When you do not have a physical body, you lose this possibility: you will remain at the level of subtler energies, and someone with a higher level of elevation then remains beyond the sight of someone in a less privileged condition.

The listener's second question is: "After my daughter's death, my husband developed the habit of lighting a candle for her every night at 10 p.m. and saying that she should remain calm because we will meet her after death. I feel uncomfortable; it seems as though the house fills with people. I do not know what to do. Is my husband's behavior normal?" Your husband must be in a very serious state of grief. When we lose someone, it is not easy at all. We cannot bring the person back to life in order to calm ourselves. I think he is doing something that may ease his turmoil, his unhappiness, a little. Losing a child is hard. It is not simply a matter of losing someone and saying, "It is all right." You need a very deep understanding to get through this and resolve the issue. I do not think it is a good idea to do this because instead of releasing your daughter and also releasing yourself from an event that we all know will happen, you create a bond. There are probably close to seven billion people on this planet, and everyone will die; there is no way for anyone to have eternal physical life.

The only thing that continues is our consciousness in the spiritual vehicle; it continues wearing the physical clothes that are our bodies, which we use and call flesh, which is why we reincarnate. But he needs to have this awareness. The daughter needs to be at peace so that she can continue, and you should also seek your peace. In the spiritual world where she is, you have relatives who have died. She will follow a path.

Trying to evoke the spirit and tell it to be at peace only hinders us. The best course is this: if you cannot donate energy without longing, then it is better to do nothing. In the event of a loss, the person becomes completely unbalanced and does whatever is necessary to continue. He is doing things that may be the only way he has to maintain the bond with his daughter; he is in the denial phase. When we experience a loss, the first thing we do is deny it. When something very serious happens, we say, "I do not accept it." Continuing to pray and maintain contact is the way he has found to carry on. I do not think this is very positive. Perhaps it is better to talk to him and explain that this is not beneficial. The third question is: "I felt a desire to adopt a child. I know that doing this may lessen my grief, and I would like you to tell me something about it." Adopting a child is serious. I intend to address adoption in another program because I need time to explain it and do not want to be misunderstood.