Infidelity — Spotify from the CEC Library

What is infidelity, and why does it happen? I do not know anyone who is happy with themselves and does things to hurt another person. Countless factors lead us to betrayal, but one of the main ones is the state of our consciousness, the level of spirituality at which we find ourselves. What is our emotional context like? One thing that greatly fosters this kind of behavior is our neediness. A very needy person ultimately goes down this path. They often lack the foundation needed to say no, renegotiate their own relationship, or follow a path of happiness. Our neediness, however, often leads us down the path of betrayal.

Another motive is revenge. It is a terrible level: cheating on someone to take revenge because you are angry with them, because they do not treat you well, have no time because they work too much, or have difficulties of their own. Out of revenge, a person thinks that by cheating they are doing something that will take them somewhere. In this condition, they need to reconsider and reexamine themselves, because they are very unhappy.

I have heard people say, "Look, I will cheat right under my wife's or husband's nose, and you will not know." As though this attitude led anywhere. Betrayal normally has the components of anger, retaliation, neediness, resentment, and inner unhappiness. If someone says they cheat because they are evolved, have good judgment, and are balanced, we will find it very difficult to believe.

Regardless of the situation, a well-adjusted person will not take the worse paths, because those paths are worse for them as well. There is a moral component and a spiritual component to this story. It is therefore good for us to reflect. The space we can have in a relationship is always determined by our behavior. I see a couple's relationship—whether between people who are dating, engaged, husbands and wives, or simply two people who have decided to live together—as something that must certainly have mutual help, a shared goal, and, above all, respect.

If you are not getting along with someone, it is better to talk to them, say that things are not going well, and choose another path. Doing this is not so difficult; sometimes it may be much better. It is healthier to make a choice that provides you with growth and also allows the other person, now free, to grow and have a happier life filled with joy.

In addition to having a moral component, betrayal is very difficult. I see people say, "I did cheat, and I will cheat again whenever I want." These people are unhappy; that is my point of view—they are truly very unhappy. I do not believe someone can do this and remain morally unscathed unless they are extremely childish and immature in acting that way.

There is also the spiritual component, however. When two people come together, it may be to date or for a commitment that involves some kind of bond. Going out one night while intoxicated with another person who is also intoxicated is not actually a relationship. That is a situation of great unhappiness. When you join another person, you must recognize that no one comes together individually; it involves a group of people on both the physical and spiritual planes. Thus, many people are involved on both her side and his, but the aspect we do not see is the spiritual one, which is what truly accompanies us. This is terrible.

When I was a boy, I was around five years old. My grandfather was blind and would sit in a rocking chair listening to music. I remember that one day he was sitting in the chair and, still very young, I went to rummage in an open drawer. When I began putting my hand inside, he said, "Moisés, do not touch that." I turned toward him and asked, "Grandpa, how can you see? Are you not blind?" He replied, "Only now. There will come a day when I will see you and you will not see me." In couples' relationships, the part you do not see can advance or hinder your life. The part we can see can cause a great deal of confusion, but it is possible to talk, negotiate, and suffer; when you do not perceive it, the situation can become very difficult and complicated.

You cannot harm someone and think that the spiritual world does not see it. We should therefore be very careful, live a happy life, and seek honesty with ourselves. Satisfying the emotional chakras is what we do most; children do it. But when you grow and pass the third seven-year cycle—that is, when you are over twenty-one—you are already an adult, and as an adult you need to think, keep your head on straight, and not remain unhappy all the time, even if you had problems in childhood or within the family. I think we should stop and ask, "Wait, what do I want to do with my life?"

If you have many needs, it is good to try to resolve them honestly. We cannot bring someone into our life and then do things unrelated to our life together. We must genuinely negotiate with the person and explain what we feel. If there is a difficulty, we should work on it; that is what the partner is there for. If you believe you are no longer able to continue in this relationship, it is time to be sincere with yourself and the other person.

I need to talk to you and say what I feel and think, always with care, because the other person has emotions and feelings. It is good for us to respect that; otherwise, life becomes a game devoid of even minimal value. The generation and exteriorization of the dense energies of anger produce consequences in the environment, in people, and in the spiritual world.

Betrayal or infidelity begins with something I consider extremely important in a human being and which we do not even know how to practice: loving another person. Loving another person does not mean that you love one person. When we say "I love you" to someone who is our companion, we should first ask ourselves whether what we are saying is "I love you" because we truly love them, or whether we are merely portraying the passion, needs, and neediness present in that moment and in that phrase. It is difficult to say this when we like someone and think we love them. If we speak of love, we should speak of everyone. Love is something universal.

Love is something that begins within us: we need to love ourselves, like ourselves and the things we do, and be free from tangled emotional contents that feel like a meatball inside us. Our relationship with those around us should be impartial. It is not easy. Speaking of love can therefore be a form of self-deceit. We may say that we like someone very much, but that is only imagining. Truly and sincerely liking a person implies a relationship of sincere affection that includes commitment. When there is no commitment, the person cheats. They believe they are right, think that this is normal and that they are punishing the other person, but they cannot see reality. It is a tortuous and unhappy path.

I know couples who get along very well. Imagine a couple in which each cares for and helps the other, they can talk about everything, and they constantly seek growth. There is a fundamental detail: you cannot be married to a person of one religion while you follow another if one does not accept the other's religion, or if one does not like the work the other does; everything needs to be aligned. Therefore, if the path you follow is for two people, shoulder to shoulder, it must be followed correctly. What are we? This is what we are, so let us proceed this way, but consciously aware of what we are doing. If neither of us wants to follow anything, then what will we do with our lives?

You follow the path chosen by both of you, which I consider important, and things move forward in this way. If there is dissonance, however—when one person does not accept the other's family, dislikes the father because he is one way and the mother because she is another, or even when the sister becomes a burden in life—things need to be adjusted. If there is difficulty, it is necessary to talk, because this affects every side and can generate a great deal of unhappiness for the couple.

This also puts an end to the consequences of the subject we are discussing. You do not see anything properly and go whichever way is available, becoming confused. When we are highly emotional, what frequently happens is that we turn toward the ego. Appearance and clothing then become more important than inner content. The person who enchants us is usually well dressed and has a beautiful face, among other attributes. We are therefore operating at a very primitive level of seduction.

But what can seduce us? You can fall in love with a person up to a certain point, liking the way they are. This is part of a path of relating and conversing. It does not work automatically: you need to talk, know what the person likes and what they do, and be sincere. One day, you begin to establish a direction with them, to define purposes, which is fundamental. We should not remain together merely to see what happens afterward, because that certainly ends in confusion; many couples separate.

I saw a documentary about two people who met—what an interesting thing! This happens often: they met at a nightclub, which is already a problem, meeting another person in that environment. They fell in love so intensely that, that very night, they were already saying, "I think we were made for each other."

On a night when you are intoxicated, jumping together and embracing, the only thing you are exercising is the base chakra, because consciousness appears nowhere. They were already in love and spent the night together; the next day, when they woke up, they realized that they had much in common and that spending the night together had been very good, as though it would last a lifetime. They were already speaking that way. Then one of them suggested, "Let us get tattoos with each other's name." He had her name tattooed, and she had his.

It was a fantastic relationship. Under the drive of the base chakra, which really is an affair of passion, they were already separated three months later, and neither wanted to see the other's face. Now imagine the problem of removing the tattoos, because each tattoo was not only the name: it said, "I love you, so-and-so." This is how we live. It is pure immaturity and ignorance. A relationship is built over time: you continue talking, growing closer, learning who the other person is, getting things right, and showing who you are. We need time for the other person truly to see who we are. Otherwise, everything ends in a confused mess, as though it were a pizza or farofa; a happy relationship in which each person looks at and admires the other is not built. That is the kind of relationship we can create.

To create it, we need to move beyond our neediness. It definitively destroys what we are. We emit energy. In the relationships we have, the exchange of energy is constant. Do not think that you relate to someone and everything is simply wonderful. No, it affects the other person. Many couples end their relationship in anger. This is not a game.