How relationships affect our energies — YouTube from the CEC Library

Relationships affect everyone, even those who do not practice any specific form of spirituality, because relationships form the foundation of life. Laying on of hands and energy work are powerful tools for improving our interactions and energies. Through relationships we can build or destroy a great deal: uplift another person or, in pathological cases, make them ill. Dense relationships can literally paralyze our energy, leading to illness.

Most of the questions received focus on difficulties in relationships, which is understandable because we learn a great deal through them. The vast majority of our relationships require adjustments. When we asked about this, the predominant answer concerned family. Even specific questions about romantic relationships converged on family and one's partner, highlighting difficulties.

People often ask why the greatest difficulties occur within the family, which should be a center of unity. The truth is that difficulties are not exclusive to family members or partners, but these are the people with whom we live most intensely. This coexistence reveals who we are and brings us into contact with who the other person is, making the relationship more wearing.

Relationships used as an escape, such as friendships centered on leisure, tend to have fewer conflicts because the focus is pleasure, which masks difficulties. However, if everyone with whom we interact lived under the same roof, conflicts would be inevitable because there would be nowhere to escape. At home, we are confronted with who we truly are and with what we need to improve.

It is important to view these difficulties as opportunities for growth. We evolve only when we change our behavior and improve ourselves. This does not mean that we should remain trapped in problematic family relationships, but that we should use these experiences to identify areas for personal improvement. One relevant question is how to determine whether energetic exhaustion is ours or comes from someone close to us. We tend to blame others for our energy depletion. To discern the source of exhaustion, it is essential to know ourselves well and understand our reactions, habits, and behaviors.

In addition to knowing ourselves, it is important to observe who lives with us and what that relationship is like. We should assess the other person's characteristics and habits and how they interact with us. If we perceive a heavy environment, everyone can be affected. The person with more knowledge who applies energetic recovery techniques may fare better, but it is difficult not to be affected.

To determine whether something comes from me, I check my internal state. I ask myself: What are my thoughts like? How am I emotionally? Am I sleeping well? Do I feel anxiety, fear, or worry? Initially, I focus on basic aspects without delving into the depths of the unconscious, seeking instead an easily detectable state. Do I know my pattern? Am I within my usual pattern? Understanding our basic energy pattern is crucial. If I am within my pattern, I know I am not losing energy. If I am calm and within my baseline, I know the influence may be external, from the environment or another person.

In these cases, I consider involvements and relationships that may amplify the loss. Even when we are well, a crisis affecting someone close to us can have an impact. Self-pressure, guilt, and other emotional issues can intensify losses. To avoid this, it is important to individuate ourselves: "Here I am; this is my universe." Recovery practices help reduce involvement and improve the situation. Completely isolating ourselves is not feasible, so we must learn from relationships and difficulties. It is important to review our relationships constantly, especially the most significant ones, such as those between couples.

With the increase in remote work, intense coexistence can blur what belongs to us and what belongs to the other person, creating a single energy in the environment. Periodically assessing these relationships is essential for understanding who we are and who the other person is. Self-knowledge improves relationships, because knowing ourselves is fundamental to understanding both our demands and expectations and those of others, making it easier to untangle emotional and relational issues.

When dealing with an unpleasant family environment that affects our energies without the option of leaving, the solution involves understanding why we are there. If we are dependent, as children are, we can pursue independence. Even adolescents can begin following a path of individuation and leave dysfunctional environments. Those who are not dependent must question the need to remain, assessing whether it is due to a genuine need, such as caring for someone who is ill, or to convenience, such as financial or emotional advantages.

Remaining in an environment that overloads us can limit our growth and prevent significant progress. It is important to dispel the idea that our will alone can change everything, especially when the environment is unfavorable. If you are immersed in an overloaded environment, even with good intentions, other people's energy can anchor you. Unless you are at a very high evolutionary level, this will be inevitable for nearly 90% of people. We often deceive ourselves into thinking that we are among the 10% most evolved, but we are not. If you are still dealing with your emotions and difficulties, everything that pulls you down will affect you. Therefore, if you can live freely and independently, focus on that.

We recognize that we go through particular periods—devoting ourselves to education, study, or a career transition—that may require us to remain in certain situations, including for financial reasons. However, we should regard this as temporary and keep it from becoming a comfort zone. We should analyze who is out of balance: the person who does not fit in but does not take a step, or the person who is moving through life unconsciously.

We should have clear goals and, if something is not right for us, chart our course and move forward. When dealing with relatives, especially those closest to us who use emotional blackmail, it is common for them to want our constant physical presence. This can keep us from having a life of our own. The difficulty lies in dealing with what we feel, because guilt arises when we think about taking a different stance. If we feel light and the information is clear, we can calmly say "no" without guilt.

When there is a great deal of dependence, as in the relationship between parents and children, a strong energetic bond forms. The more we allow them to control us, the stronger that bond becomes. Setting boundaries—such as saying that you will not visit them one weekend—may be an initial shock, but it is a learning process for them. They adapt over time. It is important to treat parents with affection and attention without feeding their dysfunction. This is liberating and helps break a bond that drains energy.

Neediness drains our energy, and we often feed the other person's neediness, creating a codependent relationship. We need to observe how much we cultivate this in the other person and recognize our own neediness, such as the need to feel important. Once we detect this, we can begin to change. For example, one person reported that she does everything for her brother, who has difficulties, but she cannot take it anymore. She realizes that although they were raised in the same way, he followed a disorganized path of dependence, becoming involved in gambling and wrongful acts, including using other people's names to get things.

This illustrates how codependency can manifest in family relationships. This person, who takes care of her brother, knows that he spends money at bingo halls, gambling it all away. Her brother is 65 years old. She has already given him their parents' house and continues to help with gas and groceries, but he always asks for more. She wants to stop helping but feels guilty, as though she were abandoning a baby. It is interesting to observe how, after creating a relationship of dependence, the person without the means to support themselves remains in that condition indefinitely. It is not merely a lack of intellectual or emotional resources, but also a matter of character. The question arises: Should I abandon someone who seems incapable of managing on his own? I do not want to support this situation, but I also do not want to abandon him.

This is not about providing definitive answers, but elements for reflection. If we do not set boundaries, dependence never ends. One possibility is to say, "I will no longer help," and establish a deadline—such as three months—to end the assistance. This relationship is not only physical but also spiritual and energetic, wearing down both people. Boundaries are necessary. People do not grow without hearing a "no." Sometimes pain is necessary for growth. Feeding dependence out of guilt or self-pressure does not help the other person grow. Being good is not only about caring for another person, but also about pointing out the path toward growth, even if it involves pain and suffering.

Many people enter spirituality because of discomfort, pain, or difficulty. Saying "no" may not be cruel, but rather a necessary step toward growth.