Relationships: difficulties and challenges — Spotify from the CEC Library

Mr. Moisés, I am forty-one years old, and I have lived alone since I was eighteen. I went on living this way and think I got used to it. I practically have no family; everyone lives very far away, and we have no contact. I had a few boyfriends, but nothing lasted very long. Three years ago, I met someone and ended up becoming pregnant. I did not think having a child was a good idea, but I did not know how to assess whether having an abortion would be unethical. In any case, the three of us—my husband, my son, and I—have lived together for three years. But it is as though this life has nothing to do with me. I simply do not know what to do. I have no one to talk with. Should I remain in this situation to learn, or should I do what I want?

You are forty-one years old and have been with your partner for three years, since you were thirty-eight. What you are ultimately saying is that you feel alone. You met someone, but it is as though you have nothing. You have no path, no objective, and nothing defined and organized within you. This can be reconsidered.

As all of us travel the course of this life, the intraphysical portion of this earthly existence—which I consider an endless opportunity—we have to make use of every second. The only thing you cannot recover is time. If you lose a car, you can buy another; if you lose your house, you can buy another. But there is no solution for time: it brings everything to an end, including physical life. Time keeps passing and calmly observes you because, no matter how much you want to slow it down, the only thing you may do in your life is discover that it did no good. That is why it is important to make use of every moment of this life.

You ask whether you should remain in this situation to learn or do what you want. I think we should know the best path for ourselves. Although you can do what you want, you need to choose a path that balances the whole situation. I do not think it would be a good idea, for example, simply to abandon your son or husband. You need to negotiate these issues, including with your husband, tell him about your doubts and difficulties, and see whether that works. He may suddenly come up with ideas and thoughts you never expected.

We should take action only when things are very clear in our minds so that we do not later experience regret, sadness, loss, and unhappiness and find ourselves unable to go back. Going back is not the same. It is good to think carefully about the things we do. You state that you have lived together for three years and that this life has nothing to do with you. What kind of life would you like to have in order to feel happy? Consider the possibility of discussing this with your partner. Perhaps you can have a life that satisfies you, even if you do not yet know what it is. First, you must define the kind of life you want, organizing your inner part, your spirituality, and your emotional part so you know what you want.

When we know what we want and say what we want, the spiritual helpers will also know what you want. But when you do not know which direction you are going, how can the helper help you? If even you do not know, the helper remains there, observing you, and invests their energy in other people who are more decisive and organized. I believe it is always possible to shape life the way we want; it is a matter of work, effort, and continuity. A union between two people consists of each helping the other. No one owns the other person.

I live with my mother, who is already elderly, eighty years old, but I simply cannot take it anymore. She is very critical, picks on me constantly, and takes away the peace in my home. We have lived in this situation for a year, and I do not know what to do. She torments me and controls me all the time. Some things you say, such as the fact that we grow through relationships, seem true to me. We truly evolve through our relationship with another person, through the things we see in them and the differences. Can you imagine coming to this planet alone? We would undergo no evolution. That is why a relationship with another person is fundamental.

I thought I should continue living with her because the difficulty would be mine for not knowing how to live with someone. But when I observe the things she does, I realize that it truly is unbearable: she checks whether I have made the bed, opens my bedroom door at night to see whether I am asleep, and goes to the kitchen to see what I am eating. What do you have to tell me? What can I do? Thank you.

You report that she constantly controls you, which is typical of parents who still believe that their child has not grown up. Perhaps you need to show her that you are already capable of caring for yourself. Speak with her, even though she is 80 years old; I believe it is possible to engage in dialogue appropriately, without fighting, an emotional charge, or anger—something you need to learn.

It would go like this: "Mom, sit down, let us talk; I wanted to speak with you. Could you please listen to me for a moment?" Politely. Then you say, "Look, Mom, let me tell you something. I greatly respect what you do, and I think it demonstrates that you care for me, but it bothers me. I feel like a child; I would prefer that you stop doing this, please."

If she says no or insists that it is necessary, you say, "You do not have to do anything; I know how to take care of myself. You check whether I made the bed and open my bedroom door at night to see whether I am sleeping, but I am not a baby. I would like you to respect this space of mine so I can grow, because do you know what you are doing to me by behaving this way? You are spoiling me. This is not healthy. I want to grow, I want to become better, and I need your help."

It is important that you speak with your mother, express your position, and, above all, try to resolve the situation in the best possible way. There are things we cannot resolve as we would like, but they need to be resolved somehow. Therefore, this is not a confrontation between you and your mother; it needs to be clear to you that a solution must be found.

The solution lies in how you assert yourself: tell the other person what you need with great sincerity and without an emotional charge. Do not yell, become irritated, or attack your mother; speak calmly with her. She is your mother, and you should respect and treat her with affection. Moreover, you should not treat her with affection only because she is your mother; we should treat everyone around us with respect and affection. This world needs to become better, does it not? We have to become better. We can work in this direction so that our lives also become happier.

I was talking about reincarnation. Why are you in this life? Do you have a pencil and paper? Write this down: what am I doing here? If you can answer what you are doing and your answer is consistent with the truth, then everything is fine. I am almost certain that you do not know what you came here to do. You say that you came here to suffer because you need to make amends for something from a past life; you were betrayed and now take revenge on the person who betrayed you in the other life, stating that you are here to take revenge on someone. We have a thousand and one stories to tell about reincarnation, but the one thing we do not say is that this is not exactly how it is.

If you came to this Earth, you can be certain there is a clearly defined meaning. Imagine an immense population of about 6.8 billion people, each of whom has a little story. Imagine whether universal consciousness is concerned about the little story of each one of us. But one thing is certain: we came here to grow and evolve. And do you know what evolution is? Evolution is a path along which you will have to work a great deal, develop, grow, and learn to relate to yourself and others until you reach a state of total consciential freedom. This consciential freedom means living among everyone, with the ego adapted to every situation. How can this be done? By truly working.

I think we end up inventing many stories to explain things we cannot understand and, above all, creating beliefs, rituals, and figures of power. We create a great many things in our lives as justification. We should not believe in rituals, gurus, masters, and saints; we should undertake our own search. Therefore, if I am going to explain something, I do not speak about a saint; I speak about a man.

I speak about a man who truly worked and existed. He truly worked very hard and did the things he did in history. You may ask, "But what did he do?" He certainly gave many people a path, but he never wanted to be a saint. I am speaking about Francis of Assisi. This example is fundamental because if a person works and follows this path of continuity, they ultimately manage to reach their objectives.

Francis of Assisi's principal objective was not to place stone upon stone, but to show others a path we do not know: the path of love, goodwill, and willingness to do things. In other words, it is work on ourselves. You come here, act very nice toward others, and make no readjustment within yourself. You need to make a readjustment within yourself, correct? Do you know who comes to receive us after disincarnation? All these experiences I recount occur through lucid astral projections. It is one thing when someone describes spirituality; it is another to go to the other side and manage to see everything there. It is different when someone talks about the aura and you look at a drawing in a book; on the other hand, when you leave the body, you see human auras and the differences between them.