How to Deal with Difficult People? — Spotify from the CEC Library

While listening to the program last week, I identified with the email from the man who says he has been married for 20 years and seems to have lived through 20 incarnations. I am experiencing a similar situation, but in my case, it involves my mother. She lives with us because she has health problems. My wife treats her with attention and affection, as do my children, but she is very bitter, complains about everything, and wants to control everyone's life. She even interferes with the style of clothing my 14-year-old daughter likes to wear. I used to think it was a problem of age and that we should be patient, but after listening to your lectures and CDs, I came to understand that it is dysfunctional behavior that is throwing the entire family out of balance.

I feel guilty when I think about sending her to an assisted-living home, but I also do not want to destroy my family. Do you think therapy would help at her age? She is seventy-five years old. She is a dysfunctional person with problems and ends up making everyone at home ill. There is no solution. It is the same situation as a son who is addicted to drugs. When there is a drug-addicted son, the people in the household become codependent, interacting as they can to maintain domestic stability; ultimately, the person directing this entire process is the drug-addicted son, who realizes that people react in order to deal with what he is or, in fact, what he is not.

It is very complicated when one deals with a person who is controlling, meddlesome, invasive, or inferential, who believes the other person did something and leads the story down a path that has no basis in reality; these people create turbulence in the environment and generate emotional pressure, and control, in turn, can also intensify this pressure.

If you have a controlling wife or husband, what happens is that the other person is always seeking ways to be at peace, and these paths always lead to suffering because one cannot live with someone who controls everything one does and imposes their opinions as truths, devaluing what the other person does and claiming that they do not know anything or are no good. Living with someone who does not allow you to express yourself and be who you are is not healthy; all people have the right to exercise their freedom and learn for themselves.

You make a mistake, correct it, make a mistake, correct it, and gradually discover the best path. But when someone is controlling, they do not even allow the other person this space. Therefore, it is a good idea to determine the best way forward. Sometimes the best way truly is treatment. In this case, the mother is 75 years old; her state of lucidity must be assessed. Therapy is appropriate at any age, and we can talk to assess whether the person truly has a predisposition to make changes that render life healthier and happier. It would therefore be necessary to talk and assess her level of resistance to change. At age 75, people today can indeed undergo therapy.

There is no age limit for improving. In fact, some time ago, a 90-year-old man came to me and said, "Moisés Esagüi, I would like to undergo therapy. I have many things to resolve and do not want to disincarnate and return as the same piece of junk I am, because I suffer too much; I keep thinking that any problem becomes something very large for me." In other words, at age 90, the person took action and stated, "At least I do not want to return in the same condition." Each of us truly can use all the time available in this life to follow a better path.

At age 75, one can undergo good therapy and reevaluate this life and adjust this family, because otherwise people experience increasing difficulty and become increasingly withdrawn—especially the children. Imagine: you cannot wear certain clothes, you cannot do this, you cannot do that, because you are always wrong. This is not a good path. A good path is one in which people talk, exchange ideas, and allow the other person to express themselves. It is a healthy path of happiness and good humor. In this case, the mother is bitter, so the bad mood keeps lurking nearby.

I will tell you how clairvoyance has operated in my life. Since I was a boy, I have seen spirits and perceived people's energies and auras. I gradually became accustomed to relating to this energetic dimension. At first, I had great difficulty because I had no one to tell. This complicates the situation. When you enter the classroom, you see more people than are actually there: in a class of 30 students, I perceive 70, 80, or 90.

This sometimes gave me a stomachache, causing me to run from the classroom. The boy does not know what to do. When a spirit approached and tried to speak with me, realizing that I saw it, I was certain I would run from the classroom because my stomach could not bear it. But clairvoyance allows you to understand the world better. When I speak of clairvoyance, I mean the ability to perceive your past lives; through an element that focuses your energies, you can perceive your spiritual helpers and relatives who are present in an environment, without needing to resort to another person to have someone speak for you. Thus, you will perceive the environment directly, without outsourcing, and can use this perception in your life.

You enter an environment and perceive that it is overloaded; you feel pain in your back. Now, when observing what moves in this space, one perceives the difference. A multidimensional life means not living only the sameness of physical life without understanding why certain things happen, but recognizing that our origin is spiritual and that we should balance the physical world through this relationship between the physical and the spiritual.

Seeing the spiritual world is not a gift or a miracle; it is none of that. You can see the spiritual world through work and a process of developing your clairvoyance. Everything in this world works in this way: evolution is effort. Look at the following email: "Moisés Esagüi, how should we interact with someone who is very aggressive but will not admit it? He is aggressive even in ordinary situations, such as when buying gas at a gas station, where he treats the attendant as though he were his personal employee, for example."

In fact, I once saw something at a gas station: the attendant was helping someone when a person arrived and began to become worked up, shouting at him while he was working. Aggressiveness and aggressive, controlling, and passive behavior are emotional difficulties. Do not think it is common to be aggressive; it is not. What happens is that, in most people, passivity, aggressiveness, control, persecutory tendencies, and all the other emotions a human being can feel, such as anger, jealousy, and everything else, are frequent but not normal.

It is normal for us to be happy, treat people with respect, and perceive others. The person is there working, making an effort, and already has their difficulties. If you have a good car, earn a good income, or think you are better than others, my friend, you had better reevaluate your life. We have much to do to improve; with each passing day, we need to become better, better than our own previous selves. We are not superior because we have more than someone else; you are no better than anyone if you do not have greater consciousness or do not know how to deal with others and welcome people.

People have been gathering in communities that live through giving, such as the CEC association and the St. Damian rural property, improving each day with everyone's help. More people join every day. Those who arrive say, "I have never been so well received, never laughed so much in my life, never worked with so much happiness, because this is the meaning of life." We can share space with others without competing, simply helping. This is a great partnership; it is expressing love.

It is not enough to think you have a very expensive suit and shoes you consider exceptional and then suddenly treat someone poorly. That is certainly wrong. What is right consists of treating everyone around us with warmth, goodwill, and full perception of who the other person is. In this way, the person truly becomes competent and follows the right path. When you have someone aggressive, perhaps that person needs treatment or needs to hear assertive words, including "no." An aggressive person is often spoiled and has never heard no in their life. I believe they grow considerably when they manage to hear a yes in the same way they hear a no; thus, when they receive a refusal, they can handle it well internally.

There are people to whom you cannot say "no." There are people whom you have to praise all the time. This is a lack of maturity. If you did something and want the other person to give an opinion, expect them to give their opinion sincerely, not the opinion you want to hear. Otherwise, you are simply being immature. The other person is no longer your friend when they say only what you want to hear. You can be certain: your friend is probably the person who says things sincerely, regardless of how you react.

How should you interact with someone who is very aggressive? With assertiveness, expressing your feelings and pointing out the person's aggressiveness, because they end up making those nearby ill. You become afraid to interact. You either adopt an absolutely passive attitude and stop talking to this person, or end contact with them so you can be at peace. Or you assert yourself and say, "You are being aggressive. Look, if you speak to me this way, I will not talk with you." Speak calmly and express yourself calmly: "We will talk when you calm down, when you speak to me politely. I do not accept your treating people this way."

You are being aggressive; you are not doing things correctly, and I do not accept this. Therefore, you should take a position. This is how you live with people, if you wish. In addition, you need to consider every possibility; otherwise, it does not work. Some time ago, I lived on a rural property where there was a garden with many trees and plants. I always perceived a presence that I called a consciousness, which moved from one plant to another as if energizing them. It was not a gnome or elf but a consciousness that apparently stabilized the plants' structure. Whenever it approached one, the plant's etheric double increased in size.

I looked like a fool; I stood there watching it for about an hour. Anyone who saw me would ask, "What is this guy doing there?" It made no sense, and I watched that consciousness, which always made the same movements with the plants. Thus, those who like plants can see a plant's etheric double and know whether it is more vitalized or not. I greatly enjoy plants and have had some excellent experiences with them. This planet increasingly needs trees and plants; this is very important.

You said that you would discuss what relationships between needy people are like, and I began wondering what a relationship between people who are not needy would be like, if they even exist. When I look around me, I see only imbalance and suffering. Are there people who do not have any kind of neediness? If these people exist, I would like to meet them.

That is right; what you are saying is true. It is not so easy to find people without neediness. We all have some form of neediness—emotional, financial, and of various types. We always feel that something is missing. Our constitution during childhood, in the process of being raised, does not include all the elements we need. We need reference points that help us maintain continuity. Something is always missing that will be reflected in adult life, and therefore it is very difficult for a person to handle everything.

I believe it is possible to deal with life in a very mature way, with each person learning about themselves and following a path with less neediness. But we need others; no one came to this planet to live alone. We have to have people around us because this is a planet where we evolve through our relationships with others. If there were no one else, if you were the Little Prince, you would have no way to grow. There would be nothing to confront you in your growth. You would simply be there, the king and owner of everything, without any experience of relationships with others. There would be no differences. These differences make us learn and grow. Some needy people, when they relate to another person, end up taking energy spiritually.