What affects Motivation? / The Parent-Child Relationship — Spotify from the CEC Library

Moisés Esagüi, I would like to know whether what is happening to me is something spiritual. I do not have much motivation to do things. I see some friends who are enthusiastic and cheerful while carrying out the simplest activities, whereas I notice that I do everything without motivation. I know that it is nothing physical because I have already undergone many examinations. It can only be spiritual. What do you think?

You have limited yourself here to two possibilities: either it is physical or it is spiritual. But that is not quite how it works. There may be a third factor: the emotional. Most of our difficulties begin in the emotional realm, in our psychic constitution, in how we constitute ourselves as people. Some people are calmer, with fewer emotional barriers interfering with their lives. Think about doing something: some people simply do it, and everything is fine; others, when they set out to do something, begin to procrastinate, encounter difficulties, and look for countless paths. All of these are emotional contents that create these internal intricacies.

If you say that you have no motivation to do things, perhaps it would be a good idea to seek someone who can help you, someone who can truly speak about human behavior and the emotional realm. Motivation is an important component of our lives. If you have no motivation at all, if you suffer from depression, or if you have some kind of anxiety disorder or obsessive-compulsive disorder, all of this is part of your content, of how you have constituted yourself internally. As our lives unfold, things also happen within us. It is not such a trivial matter; what happens outside does not happen inside. We look for ways to live. You should first look for something that is not physical, but before considering it spiritual, you could explore the emotional realm.

When someone comes to me and says, "Moisés Esagüi, I am having emotional problems, and my arm hurts," I answer, "All right, then, since your arm hurts, let us map out a path." First, find a trusted physician, consult that physician, and seek the opinions of two more doctors so that you can feel at ease. Next, check the physical aspect; if it is all right, evaluate the emotional aspect, although it is difficult to undergo this second test. Then move on to the spiritual aspect. It is very difficult to have a spiritual problem and be absolutely healthy emotionally; I do not see that as possible. I recommend that you seek emotional help.

Good afternoon, Moisés Esagüi. I need your advice. My eight-year-old son does not want to go to school; he goes only because I do not let him stay home. I worry that when he grows up, I will no longer be able to influence his will and that he will stop studying. I do not like to think about it, but I feel that this may happen because he is not interested in any subject, any lesson, or anything at all. What can I do?

Each of us is heir to oneself; there is no denying that we inherit everything we do in the various lives we live on this Earth. In addition to being a physical place, the family is also spiritual: an energetic egregor. When someone is born into it, that person has more or less the same emotional composition. There is no escaping this: a highly evolved person is not born into a very regressed family, except in exceptional cases. There are always exceptions: someone may be born in a particular place to heal that place or to create a rupture in everything happening there.

As you consider your behavior, recognize that a person may be unable to do certain things because someone imposes that they be done in a particular way. If one person imposes, the other may resist. The child begins to resist not because he dislikes doing something, but because he faces an authority he cannot handle. Parents commonly make impositions. I am not criticizing you or saying that you are like this; I know that we always try to do what is best for our children. However, perhaps reassessing yourself could be the first step.

You will say, "But I am good, I do everything, I provide food and clothes." It is all well and good that you do this, but how do you do it? Is there affection in your relationship with your son? Are there warmth, acceptance, and communication? You need to check. A father or mother who does not sit down with the child to talk and listen without criticizing. Listening does not mean already having three stones in your hand to throw at the person; that is not healthy. The person should be able to speak about mistakes, things they did, and embarrassing blunders without you criticizing them.

Some parents, the moment their child says, "I did this," immediately ask, "How could you do that?" and deliver a huge lecture. The child gradually reduces the emotional space in that relationship because he cannot say anything. Our children therefore need to be able to tell us everything they do. Whenever we speak with them, we should express ourselves appropriately. Even if it seems that nothing has happened, we continue speaking appropriately. It does not work like this: you speak, and the child has to go out and do it immediately. That has nothing to do with human reality, much less with situations of conflict.

He recounts something, and you can say, "Son, I think you should reflect, because it is not appropriate to do that, as it can have consequences." Explain to him that logic and rationality always lead us down a path of reflection. Even if it is not immediate, if you begin talking with your son, who is eight, you still have enough time to engage in dialogue and recognize your mistakes.

Check whether the father, if your son has a father present, is aggressive; check whether you are not constantly controlling and making demands, because we commonly do this—we keep making demands of the other person. It would be a good idea to check these points to see whether the failing might be on your side. Perhaps you will say, "No, but I am already certain that the failing is on his side." If you say that, I am already certain that the failing is yours. Think about this, because we need to have humility and remove the ego from the way.

We use the ego all the time; our ego has to prevail. There is that old idea that, as parents, we know what is good. But it is not like that: we never know what is good for the other person, although we always believe that we do. When we need to share space with another person, whether it is a child, a friend, or a parent, we should listen to the other side as well so that we can grow. We often fail to listen to someone and make mistakes. Begin with your son and learn to respect his opinion: "Why do you not like doing this? In what way are we not being fair to you?" He may engage in maneuvers and manipulation; that is all right, but you should be alert to it and, if necessary, tell him that he is manipulating. Always use an appropriate tone of voice and try to educate him.

To educate is to present things coherently and clearly and say what one truly feels. It is to accept that the other person will do things; one cannot demand that the person do everything immediately. Guidance must be gradual. Although this is tiring, the responsibility is unavoidable. Every time we have a child, we have the opportunity to introduce a consciousness into this world whose reincarnatory history is immense. This consciousness has already lived through countless reincarnations, taking on different forms, clothes, and bodies and facing varied situations. When we bring this consciousness into our lives, we want it to be like us.

That is our idea of education: the child should "toe the line" and "be this way." Often, by not allowing the other person to do certain things, that person does not find the best path and becomes ill, full of complexes and difficulties. Think about this, because the first analysis should be of ourselves. If you can verify that you are acting correctly, the analysis cannot be conducted only by you because, when you are your own judge, you will certainly acquit yourself of everything.

Find someone to whom you can say, "Look, listen, I am having difficulty; where do you think I am going wrong? What do you think I should do? What do you think of my personality?" In this way, you will receive opinions. If you ask unbiased people for their opinions—not flatterers or people interested only in pleasing you—you will begin to see more clearly. By seeing more clearly, you will be able to make better decisions. Educating a child is not simple. If making changes in ourselves is already not simple, imagine trying to make changes in another person. Is that not true?